super dog at the airport

you know, i have wondered what it would be like to be a big dog.  yes, i do, every day.  i mean, i feel big in my heart, in my mind.  ive perfected my growl over the years so when someone hears it, they instantly feel that Hannibal the great is upon them.  but then they look up , across and down and see me.  and no matter how hard i try to push my muscles out, bare my teeth, stretch my paws, its no good.  they see me, and start to laugh.

so, yes, i wish i was a big dog.  my dream job would be working at an airport.  you know, you cant help but shake when you see a dog at the airport.  it doesnt matter who you are, some old lady coming off from a week on a cruise ship, or a teenager coming home from spring break.  you see a dog at the airport, and immediately you check your purse, hoping you dont have something that their super sniff senses can smell.  even if you didnt partake in any kind of drug taking, you know that dog will know if you even brushed up against someone doing something that they are not allowed to do.  and you look at them and they look at you, and the first thought is respect.

so, yes, my dream job would be to walk around in an airport, pointing my nose to passersby, waiting for the slightest electric whif of something to come towards my nose.  then i could run, jump, pounce on that person. and there is nothing that anyone could do. 

cause id caught the bad guy, and i was KING.

it's getting hot out there

can't believe we were  butt-deep in snow last month, and it's 80 freaking degrees today.  not that im complaining, i love the heat, but jazmine prefers it to be freezing cold.  don't know what up with that, the heat makes me smell even better than when it's cold.  AND, i dont have to wear the SWEATER.

this morning though, we head out of the early walk, and i can feel the heat coming up from the ground, and yeah, you know we can't sweat right?  but, it's all good, we just pant along, knowing we will be home soon.  but jazmine stole the show with a flat out stop-sit-stay that kinda put my person over the top, congrats jgirl!

now there are definitely some things that i have perfected in my daily walks to make my person really irritated.  first there is the stopping at every corner to pee over another dog's pee.  that lasted for a while until , lets refer to it from now on as THE INCIDENT, and so she kinda tells me where to pee now... and i do it.  then, there came the "pulling" to see whatever it was i wanted to see.  pulling is fun but only for me.  you see, the first thing that every one sees is a 12 lb dog pulling a grown human in any direction on the sidewalk, funny for me, not so much fun for my person.  so that has also come to an end.

but nothing that i have done ever solicited the reaction from my person as today, when jazmine decided it was too damn HOT, and sat down in the middle of the sidewalk.  her paws trembling, tongue sticking out, she wasnt going anywhere.  my lovely person was trying to pull her, but jazmines butt was clamped on the ground.  cant even imagine what muscles worked to pull that off.

after immiting a backward scream, on the street, that sounded like literal pain, finally, my person had to pick that bitch up, and walk her ass home, in style.

im laughing, but on the inside.  im not the only crazy dog in town.

short on legs, long on charm

that's what that homeless guy said about me.  and i am both.  so, ive been thinking about where this blog about all things me is headed.  peeps want to know what's it all about.   i have a simple answer........ i dont know, im a dog!!  why cant i just write about my life, and things that happen to me, and what the hell i think about every day.... why does everything have to have MEANING?

i mean when ya think about it, arnt we all just here to figure it all out, whatever IT is?  do YOU have the answer to the meaning of life?  does anyone?  listen,   i shure dont.  all i know is i wake up in the morning, and my person is still sleeping, so i try wake her up...for about an hour.  then she finally gets up, gets dressed and takes jazmine and i for a walk.  i bark at every single freaking dog, squirrel, loud noise, and whatever else that disturbs the chip in my head.  we get back and i sleep......for a long time, then i beg for a treat, eat that treat, go back to sleep.  two more dog walks, and it's dark.  my person gets dressed up and goes out and we are alone.  person comes back much later and goes to bed.  we go to bed and so on and so forth and on an on.  that's my life.   that's IT!! 

so im just gonna walk everyday, go to the stupid dog park, eat puke when my person isnt looking,  make a number two so nasty that even i feel sick, and keep doing what im doing.  being me.. short on legs, long on charm.

and hey, if the big picture gets flushed out after all my musings,  i consider it a bonus.  and i know you do too.

dogs not allowed

i mean, what does that even mean?  i dont get it, why arnt we allowed EVERYWHERE?  its like that day that my person went to the highlands, and i didnt go, or i couldnt go, because dogs are not  allowed.... but baby persons are?  i mean whats going to disturb you more, me running around, coming up to you and charming the shirt off your back or some crying xsmall human giving you a headache. i rest my case, thank you.

so, it got me thinking about dogs not being allowed in certain places.  this is where we should be more like France.  come on, wouldn't you want to be eating a baguette, looking down and seeing me begging you for a stray piece?  you'd never have to worry about leaving a crumb behind, because id be there, making sure your chair, or floor or armrest was devoid of anything left.

i mean, we are the last ok discrimination left.  we are allowed in your beds, your sofas, your arms.  we are allowed to kiss you like desperate 15 year old boys, allowed to put our butts in faces, hump stray legs and yes, even allowed to fart and hear how cute it smells.  but we are not allowed to follow you into a food joint and sit on the floor while YOU do all these things?

yeah, you're hearing me now, and you're in the zone.  so, say it with me,   dogs should be allowed to go anywhere and everywhere, because if we are allowed to sleep with you, we should be able stay with you the rest of the day, eating, shopping , whatever else you have in mind.... without being shooed away...

.. what?  yes, that's right.  we are like desperate 15 year old boys.  and you still love us.