Nope, i don't understand it, try as I might. Why do i have to get groomed today? I mean, i smell great, my hair is closely stuck to my skin, which helps me stay warm. My paws are covered in crusty dirt so it doesn't hurt when i walk through the damn ice and salt. i smell like i love, and i love how i smell. So, what gives? And to make it worst, im going to Happy Paws, to get cleaned up. Really? Happy Paws? i've never seen a happy paw there, just yappy miserable dogs staring out the window, waiting for their people to come back and get them.
Nope, i don't get it. How did i get here?
so last night, i jumped on the bed, pounced over to my person, dug my nose until i was completely covered under the down comforter, making small circles until i was comfy cosy beside her warm body. ok, i didn't realize it was her neck and shoulder, but how should i know that..i am a DOG! so, there i am, getting ready to go into dream drive , when i hear a."oh god" and a "you stink!' followed by a "get up, get up" her hands lifting me up, and yes, i did the dead-weight-you-can't-possibly-lift-me move, nose and paws pointed down, eyes rolled shut. but, didn't matter, how can she lift me when i'm like this?? and i'm off the bed, on the cold floor.
i circle the bed a couple times, i know my nails on the hardwood floor drives her crazy..clip, clip, clip! "Brunello, stop it!" ok, i lay in my little insignificant bed one more time, looking up at the bedpost, and there's Jazmine, staring down at me, her suffering eyes narrowing into her look of how much she hates me..ok, maybe not hate, but tolerates me. Jazmine has never forgiven me for taking the lovelight away from her, even though it's been six years that my person got me.
So, i turn away, and think.. greenies.. wait, that wasn't it.
The radiator starts up again, and i'm up, on the trunk , over the bedpost, on the comforter again, i dig my nose under the sheets, start spinning around, and settle beside the warm body of my person. Did she notice this time? i try not to breathe, waiting , waiting, but nothing, she is still, so i move up slowly, slowly, as i love to sleep under the sheets, but with my nose peaking out at the top. i keep moving, until i can smell the air. ok, i'm there, ready for dream drive.. and "damn, bru..you need a bath, that's it". she doesn't move me though, and i cuddle back into her, and 321...dream drive...
So, i think she's going to forget, but for some reason my person is really serious. we get dressed, go outdoors, and it's ice and snow, and that bitch poodle walking in front of us. now, that is one dog i despise, ok, i hate all dogs in general, Jazmines' the only dog i LOVE, but i think it's because she doesn't love me, so it's that love-hate withholding thing, but every other dog, i HATE. and poodles are the worst. i mean really, should you have poufy hairballs on your feet? and there she is, in front of me, her quivering nose flayed already as if she can sense i'm behind her.
My person is walking slowly because she knows me. i'm already shaking, and people think it's fear that makes me shake, but it's not fear.. it's HATE. I can't wait to jump on her, bite those poufy hairballs off her legs and neck and chomp down....hard. the poodle's not looking back so, i do my best growl ever, i've perfected it so people turn around in fear, thinking they will see Hannibal the butcher dog, at eye-level, until they look down and see..me, my teeth bared, my fierce growl growling, and, well, they generally laugh, or shake their heads, or stare at my person with pity. but my person knows what i can do, and she holds on tight. she's experienced me getting free, running top speed toward a dog, jumping high and chomping down, oh yes she has. so, the poodle looks back, and there i am, face lowered, growling as hard as i can, and she puts her nose in the air and turns away. turns away! that's it, bark! bark! bark! bark! bark! bark!! and we turn left on Bleecker and the poodle turns right.
show over for now, but i know where you live, pouf poodle, i'll see you again.
I do my business on every corner, because it's important to mark you territory, even if i don't have anything left to mark, i believe by just lifting my leg, i'm claiming Mercer corner. Then we turn right, and i can smell the place. my paws stretch out to a full stop, and Jazmine runs into me. oh no, you're not taking me there, i smell great! i look great! i don't need to go to Happy Paws, it's not happy, it's going to make ME unhappy! Now she's pulling both of us, and my butt is getting wet from the snow , and people are walking by laughing, but she keeps pulling, and my 12 lbs won't stop her. we are inside.. and that's it, i'm getting cleaned today.
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